Softener

Joan was in the kitchen, putting away the last of the dishes from dinner, when she felt her husband Michael’s presence in the doorway behind her.

She smiled to herself. This was usually a sign he was about to get romantic.

But when Joan turned around, Michael had a solemn look on his face. He was pale and sweaty, with dark circles around his eyes. Joan almost yelped, but caught herself.

“Honey, you look terrible! Are you okay?” She asked.

“Joanie, I just saw a commercial for a new fabric softener on TV. I think we should try it.”

This was strange. Michael normally never made comments or requests about the things they purchased.

It wasn’t that he didn’t do any of the shopping or house work, it just never had seemed to make a difference to him what products they used.

“You must be really sick. Do you want some tea?”

He nodded. As Joan started fetching things to make tea, she also pulled a cold compress out of the refrigerator. When she turned around, Michael had gotten closer to her.

“The fabric softener. I think we should try and buy it.”

Michael took another step forward. Joan cooly stepped around him, and placed the kettle on the stove.

Maybe he’d suffered a stroke? Or was about to?

Joan had been a psychologist for twenty years, and had been trained to buy into a patient’s delusions instead of rejecting them, so she decided to play along with his request.

“What’s the name of it?” She asked.

“Fabric softener. The name of the fabric softener is called Winding Road.”

“Winding Road Fabric Softener?”

“That’s right.”

“Alright. We’ll try it. Here, put this on your head.”

Joan handed the cold compress to Michael. She hadn’t heard him open the liquor cabinet.  Was this a side effect of some new prescription she was about to find out he was on?

Surgeons make for untrustworthy husbands. Their egos force them to keep secrets she thought to herself.

This would make the second time it was true in her life. First her father, and now her husband. Both surgeons, both drunks, both liars.

“Why don’t you go lie down, I’ll bring you the tea when it’s ready.”

Michael nodded and went off to bed.

Joan stood there perplexed, and a bit concerned. Maybe she was being too harsh on Michael.

For one thing, he didn’t smell like liquor. And he’d never taken advantage of prescription drugs, that she knew of. He’d never shown any type of  behavior like that before, and she was projecting all of it onto him because of the men in her past.

Still, it was such an odd request. And he looked so sick. Joan had never even heard of Winding Road Fabric Softener before either.

When Joan brought Michael his tea, she found him completely passed out in bed. He was still sweating, but his breathing was normal. He was snoring loudly and comfortably. She left the tea by his bedside and decided to go to sleep too, after a trip to the liquor cabinet.

Joan couldn’t find any empty glasses, and the bottles all seemed close to full. Maybe he had his own private stash. She decided to leave it for the morning and went off to bed.

The next day, Joan awoke to find her husband already out of bed. He had drank the tea and left the glass by the bedside, presumably for her to take back to the kitchen. She rolled her eyes.

She looked out the window and saw that he was mowing the lawn, something he never did before noon. Joan went downstairs and poured herself a cup of coffee.

Michael came in, covered in grass stains and sweat. He looked better. She loved seeming him like this.

“Someone’s feeling better.” She said warmly.

“Yeah,” he replied absentmindedly.

“Did you get the fabric softener yet?”

“It’s not even 9 AM you want me to go get fucking fabric softener now?” Joan snapped.

“Just when you can, honey. Sorry.”

“No, but what is this? What about this fabric softener is so important? Are your clothes itchy? Do you have some sort of rash? Why do you need it so badly?”

“I just like the commercials, and I think our clothes could be a little softer. Why are you busting my balls over this?” Michael said defensively.

“I’m not busting your balls. I just…alright, I’ll pick it up.”

“Thank you, honey. You wanna go out for dinner tonight?”

“Sure, I can make reservations at Rue Blanche?”

“Sounds great. Oh, I’m going to go get that tea cup. Thanks for that, honey. It hit the spot.”

Michael gave her a kiss and bounced upstairs. Joan smiled to herself. Back to normal. Besides this weird obsession with fabric softener.

The morning progressed as Joan and Michael went about their separate tasks. Around noon, Joan left to go shopping. She hollered to Michael as she entered the garage.

“Alright, I’m leaving! I’m going to go get your special fabric softener you can’t live with out! Winding Road right? I’m probably going to need to get some new clothes to test it out with, mind if I use your card?”

“That’s fine, honey.” Michael said quietly as he stepped to her from around the corner. Joan realized he had been so close that she hadn’t needed to shout.

“Oh, um. Alright. Thank you. Love you.” Joan said

“I love you.” Michael said. He gave her a long hug before looked deeply into her eyes.

“Thank you for this.” He said.

Joan smiled politely, slightly having to pry herself away from his grasp.

She unlocked the Jaguar and opened the garage door. Michael watched her back out of the driveway the entire time. Joan waved to him, and he waved back, but like he was saying goodbye for a long time. It bothered Joan, but by the time she drove out of her neighborhood, she’d been able to make herself forget about it.

After shopping for what felt like, and had been, aimless meandering hours, the sun had begun to set in the March Ohio sky, and Joan realized she still had to pick up this fabric softener and make reservations at Rue Blanche.

She drove to the local organic superstore Right Life where she did most of her shopping. Joan had never seen this Winding Road fabric softener and was almost excited to try it out. Maybe Michael was right, and it would smell great or something.

But when Joan went down the cleaning products aisle, she couldn’t find the fabric softener anywhere. She was about to give up and pick a regular softener she was approached by a man in a shirt and tie.

“Excuse me, ma’am, are you finding everything alright today?” He said, smiling.

Joan noticed that his tie was the same color has the store, but he wasn’t wearing a name tag.

“Um, who are you?” Joan asked.

“John Alexander, Vice President of Customer Relations at Right Life. I’m here because I’m conducting a survey about customer satisfaction.”

He handed Joan a business card. It was pressed with the Right Life logo and included his title, phone number, and office address.

“So, is there anything you’re looking for that maybe I can help you find?” He said, still smiling.

“Um, well, now that you mention it I am looking for a certain type of fabric softener. Winding Road ?”

John lit up when she said it. Like he’d been waiting for it.

“Oh, well, yes. In fact, that’s one of our most popular new brands.”

“Oh, really? I’d never heard of it.”

“Well, like I said. It’s new.” I’m already aware that we’re currently out of stock, but it’s actually available still at our new superstore in Hinckley.

“There’s a superstore in Hinckley? I’ve never heard of that.”

“It’s new.”

“Like Winding Road.”

“Well no, we try to keep the consistent values at every sto…oh, you’re joking.”

“Well, thanks. Maybe I’ll go stop by there and get it.”

Joan would’ve rather just picked a random fabric softener, but she also preferred to leave rather than continue this conversation with John, if that was his real name.

Joan programmed Right Life Hinckley into her GPS and sure enough it popped up. Maybe she was just out of the loop.

As Joan made her way to the new store, she noticed that there weren’t any other locations open near the map. She was skeptical of whether or not to keep going, but like she was in a trance, she kept going.

After seeing a billboard advertising a new Right Life in Hinckley, Joan calmed down.

And sure enough, when she approached the parking lot, she saw that there was a brand new Right Life store full of customers, even busier than the one she’d just been to.

She parked her Jaguar and went in. The aisles were lined with customers and dotted with employees offering free samples of this and that.

Joan was a bit perplexed. She’d been a loyal Right Life shopper for decades, even subscribing to a mailing list. But she hadn’t heard of a new store at all, yet here was the biggest one she’d seen right in her backyard.

She began to think that maybe Michael wasn’t so crazy after all, and this was all part of some grand marketing scheme that had somehow escaped her.

Joan once again made her way to the cleaning products aisle, where she found a wide array of Winding Road products. Winding Road Bathroom Spray, Winding Road Kitchen Cleaner, Winding Road Toiler Paper, Winding Road Paper Towels, even Winding Road Diapers.

Maybe they were associated with Right Life in some way, Joan thought to herself. Part of her wanted to grab a bunch of their products except for the fabric softener just to play a joke on Michael, but she was afraid he would not find it to be a laughing matter.

Joan went to the check-out and found that the line was beginning to wrap around the store. She settled in and decided now would be a good time to make the Rue Blanche reservation.

“Rue Blanche, how can I help you?” The familiar voice of Harper, the hostess.

“Harper, hi. It’s Joan. Michael and I were hoping to get a table for two tonight around 8:30. Do you have anything?”

“Hi Joan, yes we do, but actually Michael just called me and scheduled a table for four. Do you need to change this?”

“Oh, um. No, I suppose not. Did Michael happen to mention who would be joining us?” She said, feigning a laugh.

“He didn’t, as a matter of fact.”

“Alright, well. I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see. Thanks Harper, see you tonight.”

“Oh, one more thing Joan. You said eight thirty, but Michael made the reservation for seven. Is that okay?”

“Shoot, I don’t think I’ll be able to make that. But I don’t want to keep our company waiting. Could we split the difference?”

“Sure, we have a table for four at seven forty five. That work?”

“Thank you, Harper.”

“And we’ll keep that seven open for you just in-case. Goodbye, Joan.” Harper hung up the phone.

Joan scoffed. More mystery, though this one seemed to be more of disruption to date night than anything Winding Road could come up with.

As she wondered who could be joining them for dinner, and whether or not she would make it home in time, a man similar to the one she’d met at the other Right Life approached her. He was so similar in fact, she was uncertain that it wasn’t him.

“Excuse me, ma’am. I couldn’t help but notice you’re buying a Winding Road product. We’re offering expedited checkout to customers purchasing Winding Road products. If you’d like, I can escort you to the front of the line.”

“Haven’t we met before? Weren’t you just at the other store?” Joan asked.

“No, ma’am. I’ve been here all day. Alex Johnson, Executive VP of Customer Satisfaction.”

He handed her a business card, a replica of the one she’d been handed by John Alexander.

“Can I escort you to the front of the line?” He asked again.

Joan was beginning to get a headache and decided not to protest any further, much to the disgruntlement of the other customers waiting in line.

As she made her way to the front of the line, she noticed that quite a few other customers were carrying Winding Road products who weren’t being brought to the front of the line.

Like with everything else, Joan found the ability within herself to ignore this strangeness and move on. Something to talk about at dinner, perhaps. Before she knew it she was on the road home.

As she pulled into the driveway, she saw that Michael was standing in the same spot where he’d waved goodbye to her when she left.

He got out of her way as she parked and opened the door.

“Did you get it?” He asked.

“What, the Dior dress?” She asked sarcastically.

“The Fabric Softener. Winding Road.”

“Yes, honey. Now for God’s sake get inside.”

END CHAPTER I